Who Wants To Live Forever
by danfic
Summary: (A danisnotonfire fanfic. NOT PHAN) Not everyone gets a choice to when they die.
1. It's like we never grew up

'Come on!' I yell at Dan, who's lagging behind me as we race up the hill, dodging hanging branches and rabbit holes in the earth's surface.

'Coming!' I hear Dan yell from behind me, I can hear him panting and I smile.

I reach the top of the hill and stare into the horizon, my eyes taking in every little detail. I walk over to a flat boulder and sit down cross-legged on it, still looking out into the distance. I feel a pang of sadness shoot through me. I don't know how many more times I'll be looking at this view. Today could be the last. But then again, it might not be. I guess I'll never know.

Dan comes over and sits next to me, our shoulders brushing. The wind makes the tree's leaves rustle behind us, filling the silence.

'I love it here' I murmur and out of the corner of my eye, I see Dan nod.

'Me too' he agrees. 'It's like a completely different world here, you know? Like nothing could go wrong'.

'Yeah. I know what you mean' I reply. 'Things always go wrong though, it's a part of life'.

'True' he says. 'It's weird how we've changed, but this view hasn't much'.

'Mmm' I reply. 'Things just change so suddenly. I mean, you could have the most amazing day, then BAM, you hear news that will change your life forever'.

'Life's just so unpredictable' Dan says.

We sit in silence for a while, though the silence is comfortable. We don't need to say anything really.

'If you were going to die, and you could choose your death. How would you go?' Dan says suddenly.

My chest tightens. 'I'd probably want to die in my sleep. Painless and quick. You don't have to suffer. I think suffering is the worst way to die. You?'

'Yeah, probably in my sleep' he agrees. 'I'd hate to die young. You have so much ahead of you but you know you won't be able to live it'.

'Not everyone gets a choice when they die' I murmur. 'If you're going to die young, then you just have to live life to the fullest. You can't change the fact that you're going to die. You just have to accept it'.

'I guess so'.

I put my hand in my jean pocket and pull out a folded piece of paper.

'What's that?' Dan asks.

I unfold it. 'Well, since it's summer, I've made a list of everything I want to do this summer. Make it the best one I've ever had, you know?'

'That's a good idea. Maybe I should make one'.

'Or you can help me with mine' I offer. 'Some things would be nice to do with you, y'know?'

Dan grins, dimples showing. 'Really?'

'Yeah, course. You've been my best friend Dan, for what? Around 16 years?'

'God, has it been that long? How have I managed to put up with all your whining for that amount of time?' he laughs and I hit his arm playfully.

'I don't know. How have I managed to put up you failing miserably each time we play an X Box game for 16 years?'

'Harsh' Dan grins.

'But true'.

'Maybe'.

'So you'll help me with my summer list of things I want to achieve?'

'Of course I will Madds' he says, ruffling my brown hair.

I look back into the horizon and see that the sun is beginning to set. Oranges, reds, pinks and yellows filling the sky; the green of the trees making a striking contrast.

'I wish we could stay here forever' I say, looking into Dan's deep brown eyes.

'Yeah, me too. But I think it's sadly time to get back to reality' he replies.

'I do too' I say, jumping off the boulder and landing on the ground. Dan gets up and joins me on our downhill walk back to civilisation.

'Piggy back?' he asks me, smiling.

'Sure' I laugh and jump onto his back. Even though we're both twenty-one, he still gives me a piggy back like he used to back when we were eight.

'Ready?' he says to me and I lock my arms around his neck and place my cheek against his dark brown hair. 'Let's go'.

He takes off running down the hill, occasionally swerving whenever he gets too close to a tree so I nearly end up capsizing. The wind makes my eyes water and my hair is whirling around me face, but nevertheless, I'm laughing.

We reach the bottom of the hill and Dan slows to a walk. He's laughing too. I slide off his back and move forward so we're standing side by side.

'Thanks' I laugh, nudging him.

He looks down at me and grins. 'Glad you had fun'.

'It's like we never grew up' I reply.

'Well, I guess in some ways, people never do'.

In a way, Dan's right. Although we grow up as people, we move on and leave things behind. We always take some things with us because we can't bear to leave them. Because they mean so much to us. Because the remind us of better days.


	2. You're going to have to tell him

'Okay' Dan says to me as we walk home. 'What's first on your list?'

I unfold the slip of paper again and look at it. 'Don't laugh…'

'I won't'.

'Well, I've always wanted to sleep under the stars…'

'Aww, cute' he teases me. 'Don't worry, I have too'.

'So I guess this is one we can do together?'

'I guess it is' he smiles. 'When do you want to start?'

'I guess as soon as possible. No time like the present, hey?'

'Well, tonight's supposedly meant to be warm, with no rain. Tonight?'

'Sounds good. But where?'

'What about up at Kite's Point?' Dan says, motioning to the hill behind us.

'Yep, good idea' I say as we stop outside my house.

'I'll come around at about 8ish, yeah? Then we can head on up'.

'Awesome, see you later' as I open my door and wave goodbye.

'Hi mum!' I shout as I kick off my shoes and head to the living room.

'Hey Madds' she greats me. 'How's Dan?'

'Dan's good' I say quickly. 'We're heading up to Kite's Point tonight'.

'Why's that?'

'Well, you know that I made a list of things I want to do this summer? Well, I told Dan and he said that he wants to help me. And the first thing on the list is to sleep under the stars'.

My mum stares at me for a long time, searching me face. 'Hon, are you sure you want to get Dan involved with this?'

'Yeah, he's been my best friend for 16 years….'

'I know sweetie. But he's going to be hurt when he finds out…'

'Well, he's not going to find out' I shoot back.

'Maddie, you're going to have to tell him at some point' my mum retorts.

'No, because I want to be happy and I want Dan to be happy and I don't want to ruin this summer'.

My mum sighs heavily. 'Whatever, it's your choice'.

I walk out of the room, without bothering to reply, and head on up to my room. I sit down on the bed and hug my knees to my chest, my mind swarming with thoughts.

I stay like that for a while before getting up and picking out things that I'll need for tonight. Blankets, sleeping bags, pillows, food, torch, camera. Everything that I can think of I bung into a bag.

The doorbell rings and I sling the bag over my shoulder and grab my phone.

'Bye mum!' I shout out as I open the door to leave. 'I have my phone on. Love you!'

'Hey' Dan greets me.

'Hey yourself' I reply as we head towards Kite Point. 'Excited?'

'No. I'm spending a whole night in the wilderness with a girl I hate' he smirks.

'Asshole' I swipe at him and he laughs loudly. 'You love me really'.

'True true' he says before we start the long walk up to the top.

'Well, shitting dick nipples. I'm more unfit than I thought' Dan says when we reach the top and drop our bags to the floor.

'I know what you mean' I say, panting. 'We have heavy objects to carry as well so that hinders us'.

'Good point Campbell' Dan says, rummaging through his bag. 'Where do you want to sleep?'

I walk around, looking for the perfect spot. 'Here' I announce, standing about 10 meters from the edge.

'Alright' Dan brings over both of our bags and we pull out the blankets and lay them on the floor, piling them up so it's soft enough to sleep on. We then add the sleeping bags and pillows then another load of blankets on top.

'You know Madds, I think we might freeze tonight' Dan smirks, signalling towards the mound of blankets and sleeping bags.

'I think so too. I think we should add more blankets' I say with a straight face.

'Nooooo. I don't want to suffocate' he moans and I giggle. 'You hungry?'

'When am I not?' I say as I sit down on the blanket pile. Dan digs around in his bag and pulls out two bags of Maltesers, one bag of Minstrels and a large packet of Doritos. He sits down next to me and dumps them in front of us.

'Very healthy' I remark.

'You love it really'.

'You know me too well, Howell' I say, getting under the blankets and opening a bag of Maltesers. 'Open wide' I say to him, aiming a Malteser at him.

'Ow' he says as I hit him in the eyeball with the chocolate. 'Aim has never been your strong point Madds'.

'Sorry' I say, throwing another one. This time it hits him on the cheek and I burst out laughing. 'I'll get better, I promise'.

'I think you should stop now. We don't wanna waste them' he laughs along with me.

'One more' I beg.

'Fine' he opens his mouth and I throw the chocolate. Surprisingly, it actually lands in his mouth.

'WHEY! WE HAVE LIFT OFF!' Dan shouts.

'FUCK YEAH MAN' I cry, standing up and doing a victory jig.

Dan stands up too and we dance around manically.

'MADDIE HAS ACTUALLY MASTERED THE ART OF THROWING!'

'I AM THE GOD OF ALL GODS' I shout out. 'EVERYONE GO HOME'.

We sit back down and finish off that packet of Maltesers before climbing under the blankets to lie down.

By now, the sun has set and the sky is black, filled with millions of stars, and it's getting colder. I inch closer to Dan, seeking his warmth.

'Do you think we'll always be friends?' I ask him, still staring up at the stars.

'Yeah. I do' he replies softly. 'Even if we head in different directions, I think we'll always stay friends, y'know? I never want to lose you Madds'.

My heart pangs. 'I never want to lose you either' I whisper back. 'I really don't'.

'You won't. Trust me' he says, putting an arm around my shoulder.

'Promise?'

'I Promise'.


	3. Are you scared of dying?

I smile, staring up at the millions of stars, Dan's arms still around my shoulders, keeping me close.

'What do you think happens to us when we die?' I whisper to Dan.

'I honestly don't know' he whispers back. I can feel his hot breath on my cheek. 'I'd like to think that you go to heaven but I'm not sure'.

'Mm, same' I murmur.

'I don't know why everyone's afraid of death' Dan says. 'It's natural; it's a part of life'.

'I think they're scared of death because it may happen to them sooner than they'd want. They don't want their life cut short before they can achieve everything they want to achieve; do everything they want to do'.

'Are you scared of dying?' Dan asks me.

'No' I whisper. 'I'm not'.

'Why?'

'Because I believe in life, you have a set path that you follow. And if death is on that set path sooner than you'd expect it to be, then what can you do about it? Nothing, except live every day as if it's your last. You don't know when it's going to be your last day'.

'No, you don't' Dan murmurs.

'But I guess that's a good thing, you know? Because if you did know when you were going to die, you'd spend all those days leading up to it worrying about it, instead of living your life. It's better to not know when it's going to be your last time doing something. Because if you did know; you wouldn't be able to let go of it. It's like being asked to jump off a bridge, when all you really want to do is cling onto the railing and never let go. But when you do let go, there's nothing you can do but fall'.

Dan's silent for a moment before gently reaching for my hand and squeezing it. Together, we lie side by side, staring up into the black sky adorned with stars.

'Are you scared of dying?' I ask Dan in return.

'Yes' he replies simply. 'Because it's the people who are left behind who suffer the most. They're the ones who have to deal with pain, grief and sadness. They're the ones who have to try and move on with their life. But they know that you're not going to be by their side, helping them through it. And that's the sad part. I don't want anyone to be in any pain'.

My throat tightens and my eyes prick with tears. I swallow over and over again to try and rid the lump in my throat. I lift a hand and wipe my eyes.

'Oh Madds, you crying?' Dan says gently to me.

'No' I mutter.

'Come here' he pulls me even closer and I rest my head on his chest. That's one of the things I love about Dan; that he doesn't question. He knows when to push and when not to. 'Hey, don't be sad Madds, this is meant to be a happy summer' he laughs gently.

'I know. I'm just being silly' I reply, attempting to laugh as well.

'So, do you like anyone?' Dan asks me.

'No' I lie. 'You?'

'Yeah actually. There's this girl I've met. She's got long blonde hair and grey eyes and she's pretty tall. She seems lovely as well'.

My heart drops. He's just described a girl who's the complete opposite to me. Then it hits me, I'm beginning to like my best friend. Oh Lord. This is not going to end well. At all.

'Oh…' I manage to say. 'That's nice'.

I return to gazing up at the night sky.

'My dad's up there' I whisper to myself. 'I miss you dad'.

Dan wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my dark brown hair. 'I'm so sorry Madds' he says into my hair.

'It's ok. I'm used to it' I lie.

'No, you're not. Because people never really get over deaths. They say they do, but they're only trying to protect themselves from the hurt of remembrance. The recollection of memories for the person is one of the most painful things to encounter, because that's all they are, memories. Because you know you'll never have a moment again with them, because they're not alive anymore. The only thing we can really call our own, are the only things we really have to hold onto, which are our memories' Dan says softly, his voice getting carried by the wind.

The tears began to run down my face as I bury my face in Dan's neck. And I began to let out all the pain, sorrow and sadness I'd been holding in for the past few years.


	4. I know I'll never forget this moment

We stay like that for a while. We don't speak. We don't need to. Tears speak louder than actual words.

'Thank you' I whisper to Dan.

'It's ok Madds, I'm always here for you' he replies and I smile, but then my smile fades. Dan will always be there for me, but I won't always be there for him.

I dry my eyes and sit upright again and grab the bag of Doritos. I start stuffing them into my mouth, trying to eat as many as possible before Dan notices.

'Hey' he says. 'What are you- HELL NO MADDIE' he yells jokingly, reaching over and trying to grab the crisp packet.

'NO' I howl. 'THEY'RE MINE'. I roll onto my back, the packet behind my back, pressed against the ground. Who cares if they're a little broken, they still taste the same.

'Maddie' Dan says from above me. I look up and find Dan's face inches away from mine. 'Give them to me'.

'No' I reply stubbornly.

'If that's how you're going to be then…' he trails off and places his hands of my stomach and begins to tickle.

I writhe around from underneath him, crying with laugher.

'Do you surrender yet?' Dan smirks.

'No way in hell. I'm here till the end' I reply, with a semi straight face before cracking up, yet again.

I wriggle from underneath him and jump up, the crushed bag clutched to my chest and run into the woods. Despite it being pitch black, I've been here so often I know my way around, even in the dark.

'MADDIE!' I hear Dan yell. 'MADDS? WHERE ARE YOU?'

I can hear that he's behind me so I run in a circle so I'm now behind him. I can hear his feet thudding against the earth, occasionally stepping on the odd branch. I ran forward and leap onto his back.

'Looking for me, were you?' I whisper into his ear, trying not to giggle.

'God dammit Madds, you scared the shit out of me' he laughs before holding my legs in place and walking back to our sleeping place. He gently lowers me to the ground and we bother get under the blankets, my head resting on his shoulder.

We talk for hours until the sun begins to rise. We stand up, and walk to the edge and sit down to watch the sunrise. Dan wraps one of the blankets around both of our shoulders and holds my hand.

In silence, we watch the darkness disappear and the light take over. The sky is filled with different shades of blue, pink, red and orange.

We watch the sun gradually climb the sky and we hear the birds begin to sing.

My eyes begin to fill with tears, because I know I may never live to see another day like this. Which is why it makes it all the more special.

My eyes travel the ground below us. Bright green fields stretch for miles, the roads are quiet. No one is around.

I look back towards the rising sun and I see a flock of birds fly in front of it, the black silhouettes against the brightness of the sun, accompanied by the sweet sound of the birdsong.

I know I'll never forget this moment.


	5. No one will be able to take that away

I rest my head on Dan's shoulder as we continue to watch the sunrise together. We don't utter a single word. We don't need to.

As I watch the climbing sun, I wonder what life will be like once I'm gone. Who will be sad? Who will be distraught? Who will be pretending to be sad? Whose life will change? Will anyone's? Will I leave a mark on this world?

We're all born to die. What does it matter if you die earlier than the rest?

'Well, that was really something' Dan murmurs once the sun has fully risen, the sky a pale blue with the occasional cloud.

'Yeah' I reply softly. 'It really was'.

Dan stands up and holds his hands out to pull me up. I stand up and wipe the dirt off the back of my trousers. Still holding hands, we walk back over to where the piles of blankets are.

'Hey, wanna run down that hill once more?' Dan says, looking at me.

'Sure' I agree and we walk to the edge of the hill, looking down at the houses below us. I go to stand behind Dan, waiting for him to give me a piggy back.

'No' Dan says, motioning for me to stand beside him.

'Huh?'

'Stand next to me' he says and I obey. He grabs my hand and holds it tight. 'Ready?'

And then we're off. Running down the hill of Kite's Point. Our hands still clasped together. The sun is shining; waxy, green leaves hit our faces; branches whip against our legs; feet thumping against the damp soil. We're both laughing. My hair flows out behind me in a dark wave, my eyes are watering. Then the tears begin to fall down my face. But I'm not sure whether it's the wind or happiness or the sadness inside of me, escaping. The tears begin to drip faster and I come to the conclusion that it's sadness. I don't know how many more times I'll be able to do this, running down my favourite place with my best friend. This could be the last time for all I know. But I guess I'll never know.

We reach the bottom of the hill and slow to a walk, before stopping completely. We both turn to each other, smiling. But I see the tears on his face and he sees mine. Wordlessly, we hug each other. We stay in that embrace until there are no tears left, holding onto each other so tightly like we never want to let one another go. Like we're afraid the other will disappear.

I've never been so happy yet so sad before in my entire life.

Then the pains began to start.

I felt my chest tighten and I felt a familiar wave of nausea overcome me. I suddenly felt too hot and my legs felt weak.

_No. Please, no. Not now_.

I pull away from Dan and he stares at me, worry in his eyes. He knows something isn't right.

'What's wrong?' He asks me, concerned.

'Oh nothing. Just period pains' I lie. 'I'm so sorry but I have to get home now. I'm so sorry Dan. But I seriously have to get home' I garble.

Dan nods, though he seems confused, as if he can see right through my lie but he doesn't question it. 'Okay. I'll go up again and grab the stuff then bring yours to your house, yeah?'

'Please' I whisper. I feel so bad. 'Thanks Dan' I say before running home before my legs give out.

I push open my door and scream for my mum then my legs give out. I fall to the floor, banging my head on the way down.

'Maddie?' My mum asks me. 'Maddie?'

'The pains' I say hoarsely.

She nods before jumping into action. She grabs her keys, purse and phone before lifting me to her car and strapping me in. She turns on the engine and drives quickly to the hospital. She sends a page to my doctor and he sends a nurse to collect me in a wheelchair. I'm wheeled into a room and then laid gently down on a bed, the nurses attaching various tubes into my arms and nose.

'Okay, Maddie, we're just going to try and drain the toxins out of your body, okay?' My doctor says. 'I'm just going to give you an injection first'.

I can barely move my head so a nurse inserts a needle into my hand to sedate me. And before I know it, I'm out.

A few hours later, I wake up, feeling disorientated. My vision is blurry and my whole body feels numb. I can't seem to move.

'Ms Campbell?' I hear my doctor say. I can hear the graveness in his voice. I know this is not going to be good news.

'Yes?' I hear my mum whisper, not too far away from me.

'We've just run some tests and scans and we've found that the cancerous cells have spread to Maddie's liver'.

Silence.

Deathly silence.

The doctor carries on. 'We've concluded that those cells have been in her liver for quite a while, not too long but long enough that they've multiplied. There's too many of them'.

'No…' I hear my mum whisper.

'I'm so sorry but Maddie's cancer is terminal. We can continue with her treatment in order for her to live the rest of her life painlessly, but unfortunately, these treatments won't kill the cells. The cancer has just hit a stage where we can't do anymore. There's just simply too many mutilated cells. I'm deeply sorry'.

'How long?'

'I would estimate around one to two weeks left. If there was any chance we could save her, then we'd do it in a heartbeat. But the cancer is just too far in I'm afraid. Again, I'm so sorry'.

Silence again.

I can hear the clock ticking, reminding me that I don't have long left. Like _I'm _the clock, and time is running out.

Fast.

One to two weeks left.

I only have up to 14 days to live my life.

To do all the things I want to do before I die.

I knew it'd be soon, but not _this _soon.

I lift my head up and both the doctor and my mum turn to me.

'Did you hear that?' The doctor asks me gently.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

'I'm so sorry' he repeats, before leaving my room.

My mum walks over to me and holds my hand in hers. The tears are streaming down her face.

'It's ok mum. It's really okay' I whisper, the lump in my throat threatening to choke me.

My mum just shakes her head and her tears begin to fall faster.

In one life time, she'll have lost a husband and a child.

No one should _ever _have to gothrough pain like that.

'But Madds, it's _not _okay'.

I squeeze her hand. 'It is mum. It really is. Everyone dies. My death just happens to be sooner than others. Besides, _who wants to live forever_, anyway?'

'Some people do Madds' she attempts to smile.

'Can you do one thing for me please?'

'Anything sweetheart. Anything'.

'Don't tell Dan before I die. Please'.

My mum nods. 'Okay'.

I breathe a sigh of relief. I want my remaining 14 days to be fun; I want Dan to remember them. I want Dan to remember me as the happy-go-lucky, bright, bubbly girl he's known for 16 years. I don't want him to remember me as the girl with cancer.

I want my last days to be filled with happiness.

And no one will be able to take that away.


	6. Tomorrow

I get discharged from hospital that night. There's nothing else they can do for me.

When I get home, there's a bag on the doorstep with a note on it:

"Madds,

Here are your things from last night. Hope you're feeling better.

Dan x"

I smile to myself slightly and pick up the bag and lug it to my room, where I drop it into a corner, not bothering to unpack. I look out of the window and I see it's beginning to rain. I exit my room and decide to go to Dan's house.

I knock on his door and he opens it nearly instantaneously.

'Wanna come out?' I ask him.

'It's raining' he states.

'Yes, and?'

'I don't want to get wet'.

'You mean you don't want to get hobbit hair' I correct him with a smirk.

Dan glares at me and reluctantly pulls up his hood before closing the door behind him.

'So' he says as we walk down the road. 'How are you feeling?'

'Better thanks. Just period pains so I slept it off' I lie, feeling guilty.

'Oh okay. Still want to carry on with your list?' he asks me.

'Yes, I really do'. _More than anything_ I add silently.

'What's next on it?'

'Um… To kiss in the rain' I mutter, feeling embarrassed.

'Oh, um' he replies, probably feeling equally as awkward.

We stroll down to the pier, not speaking much and we walk to the end of the pier, facing the turbulent sea. I look down through the wooden slates to see the sea thrashing beneath us. We lean on the metal railing and look into the horizon, the waves coming thick and fast. The sky is a dull grey and it's still raining. I've always been scared of the sea, it's so unpredictable, it could just drag you under and you'll never resurface.

'What do you want to do tomorrow then?' Dan asks me.

Tomorrow. One word but with endless possibilities. The thing is; we say 'tomorrow' but we don't know if we'll live to see it. For some of us, there could be one hundred tomorrows, a thousand, or five thousand. So much time you could waste it, let it slip through your fingers like sand. But for some of us, there's only today. And the truth is, we never really know.

'Um. I'm not too sure' I say.

Dan smiles. 'I guess we'll find out then'. And I guess we will.

We walk back towards the mainland, occasionally bumping into one another. The rain has soaked through my jumper and t-shirt and my jeans are sticking to my legs.

'Want to walk across the beach?' Dan asks me and I nod.

We jump over the wall to the pebbly beach and we claps hands before taking off. The rain begins to pelt down even harder, making it slippery underfoot. The pebbles fly away as our feet come into contact with them before leaving them. My wet hair is sticking to the side of my face, the rain drops trickling into my eyes. Our breath is laboured, but nevertheless, we carry on. Running along the beach without a care in the world.

We eventually come to a stop and we halt, our breath coming out in white puffs in the cold air.

We turn to face each other, still holding hands. I look up at Dan as he looks down at me, the rain running down our faces, our hair dripping. He moves closer to me and bends down until our lips meet. He kisses me softly before pulling away.

'I thought you liked the tall, blonde girl, with the grey eyes?' I ask him, confused.

Dan smiles. 'I lied'.


	7. A promise doesn't mean a thing anymore

I smile slightly. 'Really?' I ask, staring into his deep brown eyes.

He nods. 'It's always been you Madds' he says before leaning down to kiss me again.

The rain continues to pour down but neither of us take any notice of it. We just stand on the pebbly beach, the waves crashing against the shore violently, our bodies pressed together.

'I guess you can tick that one off your list' Dan smirks at me.

We head back to my house, Dan stopping off at his to change out of his wet clothes. I stand awkwardly in the doorway while Dan changes.

'Hello Maddie' his mum greets me. 'Long time no see'.

I smile. 'Hi Mrs Howell. Yeah, I guess so'.

'How are you then? Keeping well?' She asks me.

_I'm going to die in less than two weeks, but apart from that, I'm completely fine. _'Never been better' I plaster a smile on my face.

Dan comes bounding down the stairs, thankfully saving me. 'Ready Madds?'

'Sure. Bye Mrs Howell' I call over my shoulder as we leave.

My mum's not at home so we have the house to ourselves. We head up to my bed room and Dan lies back on my bed while I change into dry clothes. I come back into my room to find him flicking through the TV channels, moaning that there's nothing good on. I pick up a DVD and slot it in to the disc holder and fast forward the adverts.

'What are we watching now?' he moans. 'It better be good'.

'Stepbrothers' I announce.

'Fine' he mutters, his head now lolling against a cushion, his feet dangling off the end of my bed.

I crawl next to him and place my head on his shoulder as we begin the film.

We get about halfway through before Dan pauses it and heads downstairs, returning with a big bag of popcorn.

'You can't watch a film without snacks' he says simply, pulling open the packet.

We play the film again, the only sounds being on the film and the sound of our jaws crunching the popcorn.

My skin begins to burn.

My head begins to spin.

My stomach begins to cramp.

I feel the vomit rising in my throat.

I leap out of bed and run to the bathroom, locking the door behind me before violently throwing up in the toilet.

I wipe my mouth and I see red marks on my hand.

Blood.

I glance into the toilet. The sides are all stained red.

Oh god, this cannot be happening.

I look into the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and my skin is deathly pale.

I quickly flush the toilet and bleach it, cleaning away the blood remains. I brush my teeth to get rid of the acidic taste before using mouth wash.

I'm done.

The vomit rises again.

I'm not done yet, clearly.

I wretch into the toilet; bringing up the last remains.

The tears are streaming down my face.

There's a knock at the door. Dan.

'Are you okay?' he calls out. 'Madds?'

'Fine' I reply weakly, flushing and cleaning the toilet once more.

I shakily unlock and open the door to find a worried Dan leaning against the wall, staring at me.

'What was that?' he asks me.

'Just food poisoning' I lie. 'I feel better now'.

He doesn't look convinced.

'Let's finish the film' I say, hoping to change the subject and walking back into my bedroom. He follows me slowly, as if I'm going to run back into the bathroom again.

I lie back against the pillows, Dan next to me.

I feel icy cold.

'I'm freezing' I say, my teeth chattering.

He looks at me in confusion. 'It's summer Madds. You can't be cold'.

I place a hand against his cheek and he flinches before enveloping it in his own. He pulls me closer and places a blanket on top of me.

'What's wrong Maddie?' he murmurs. 'What's wrong'.

I wish I could tell him.

But I can't.

But it's for the best.

'Nothing's wrong' I reply. 'Honestly'.

'I don't believe you' he whispers into my ear.

'Please. Please believe me. Everything's fine. Completely fine'.

'I can't Madds' he says, his voice breaking ever so slightly. 'I just get the feeling that you're not telling me something'.

'Dan. Look at me' I say and he turns his head towards me. 'I'm telling you, everything is _fine_. Trust me. Please'.

'Promise?' he asks.

But I can't promise anything.

I'm dying.

'I promise' I whisper, the tears already formed in my eyes.

But I can't. Because a promise doesn't mean a thing anymore.


	8. Never forget me

Dan pulls me in for a hug but I have to fight back the tears.

'You'll tell me if something's wrong though, won't you?' he asks when we pull apart.

I nod. 'Yeah'.

'Good. No secrets?'

'No secrets' I agree; the guilt pooling in the pit of my stomach.

I don't know how much longer I can go on for like this. I'm dying yet I have to pretend everything's okay. I only have 14 days to live my life before it ends. I'm holding the most deadly secret of all.

'What do you want to do now?' Dan asks me.

I shrug. 'I dunno'.

'What's next on your list then?'

The things I want to do can't be achieved in the next two weeks. I want to travel the world; step foot on every continent, travel to every state in the US, see the cherry blossom in Japan, visit Ayres Rock in Australia. I want to sky dive. I want to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef. I want to learn how to ski. I want to get married. I want to have children. I want to have grandchildren. But I can't. I won't live to see any of those days. I knew I was going to die, but not this quickly. I didn't expect it to be so sudden.

I shrug, the lump in my throat returning. Because I know I won't be able to live my life for much longer. The list seems pointless now. I'm dying, there's no escaping it and no matter what I achieve in these next two weeks, what does it mean? Nothing. Because I'll be dead. Gone. What's the point?

'I…' I stutter.

'Madds?' he seems concerned. 'What's wrong? Don't you want to continue with it?'

I shake my head, the tears now flowing freely down my face.

'Why?'

'Because….Because…' I should I tell him? Should I tell him that his best friend of 16 years is going to die in less than a fortnight? And there's nothing anyone can do to save her? 'It doesn't matter. I'm just tired. Ignore me'.

Dan looks dubious but he lets it slide. He looks around the room and his eyes focus on something in the corner and they light up. He gets out of bed and retrieves the object for placing it down next to me.

'Wanna go for a picnic?' he says, smiling.

'How old are we?'

'Not too old for a picnic' he winks and I have to smile.

'Fine' I grumble, swinging my legs out of bed and heaving myself up.

We walk down the stairs and into the kitchen where my mum is sitting at the table reading a bunch of medical documents. As soon as she sees Dan, she slides them under a newspaper.

'Hey Dan, how are you?'

'I'm great thanks, Mrs Campbell. Yourself?'

'I'm okay thanks. What are you two up to then?'

'We're going on a picnic' Dan announces, sounding pleased with himself. I bite back my grin.

'Well, have fun. Stay safe' she says, staring directly at me. I drop my gaze, feeling uncomfortable.

We make the sandwiches and grab a load of junk food, stuffing it into a bag. Just before we exit the house, Dan rushes off upstairs and returns with my camera.

'Can't forget this' he laughs. I smile and usher him out of the house, after calling out a goodbye to my mum.

'Here?' Dan asks, standing on a grassy patch near the stream.

'Sure' I say, sitting down.

He sits down next to me and holds my hand, his other hand on my knee. I lean into him, our breathing in sync.

I look around. The hundreds of trees, all standing tall, their leaves brushing against each other, each leaf a different shape, a different shade; their branches tangled. I look at the flowers, the stems bright and green, and the petals vivid, the flower leaning slightly to one side. I look at the stream, the water moving slowly; leaves being carried down; the water a dark, murky, blue; the occasional ripple of a twig falling into the water; the sound it makes when it hits the surface; sinking under then resurfacing. I look across the fields into the distance, the too long grass; the odd dandelion standing out against the green. I hear the rustle of the leaves as the wind blows ever so gently. Everything is so much more beautiful when you really look.

We sit in silence for a while, together but alone with our own thoughts. I wonder what life will be like when I'm dead. People will move on, they always do. Dan will find someone else, a prettier, happier, cleverer, healthier girl whom he falls in love with. I'm the girl with cancer. The best friend. He'll get over it, I'm sure of it.

'Sandwich?' Dan says, interrupting my thoughts.

I shake my head. 'No thanks'.

'Come on Madds, you haven't eaten anything all day'.

'I'm fine' I insist. 'I'm not hungry'.

But that's a lie. I _am _hungry. But if I eat, the bloody vomiting will start back up again. I can't eat. For Dan's sake. I don't want him finding out that I'm dying. And that there's nothing he can do to save me.

Dan begins to eat and I'm returned with my thoughts. I'm not anyone special. Thousands of people have cancer. Thousands of people die from cancer every day. I'm not unique and I never will be. In less than two weeks, I'm not going to be breathing anymore. I'm never going to do everything I want to do. I never thought that I'd be the girl who dies at 21. I never thought that I'd get cancer. It's funny how some things turn out, huh?

'Madds?' Dan taps my shoulder, bringing me back into the real world. 'Earth to Maddie'.

'Yeah?'

'You've been zoned out for about 10 minutes, what have you been thinking about?'

'Nothing in particular really' I lie.

I want to tell him. I really do. But I can't. For his sake.

I shake of the sad feeling, I want to be happy. I've only got less than 14 days to live my life.

'Did you mean what you said earlier?' I whisper, looking into his eyes.

He seems confused for a moment before he gets it. 'Yeah, I did; he says before kissing me gently.

We lie back against the grass and stare up at the cloudless blue sky, wrapped in each other's arms.

'Can you promise me one thing?'

'Anything' he says, nuzzling my cheek.

'Never forget me. No matter what happens to me. Please remember me. Please' I whisper, my voice catching ever so slightly.

'I promise. Of course I won't Madds, you're my best friend and you have been for 16 years. You've always been here for me. Of course I'll always remember you Madds, I love you'.

I freeze. Did he really just say that?

'What?' I say in shock.

'I've always loved you Madds, but I just thought that you only saw me as a friend, so I never acted on it' he replies, looking at me slightly.

I move closer and rest my head against his. 'I love you too' I murmur, staring up at the blue sky, thinking of all the endless possibilities. Then my world comes crashing down. I _don't _have endless possibilities, I have a set number of possibilities yet I'm only able to achieve a few of them. I'm dying. I'm so close. In a few weeks, I'll be gone.

'Really?'

'Really'.

I lace my hand with his.

'Why did you ask me that?'

'Because in a few years' time, you'll find someone better' I say honestly.

'I won't. Because there isn't anyone who can be better than you, Madds. Even if we're not physically together, we'll always be together. I'm always here for you. No one can take that away'.

'Forever?' I say.

'Forever'.


	9. This is really it

'So, what do you say, do you want to be my girlfriend?' Dan says, smiling at me.

My heart leaps. 'Yeah. I do'.

'Well, that's a good start' he says before I cut him off with a kiss.

I get out my camera and hold it in front of our faces.

'Say cheese' I say to Dan before snapping away.

We take hundreds of pictures, silly faces, hugging, kissing, and larking around. I want him to remember this day forever, because I won't be there to remind him of it.

It begins to get dark and the rain starts to fall again so we make the decision to leave. We link hands as we walk home.

'I'll see you tomorrow?' Dan asks as we stand on my doorstep.

'Sure. Night' I say, kissing him.

'Is your mum in?' he frowns.

Her car's gone. I wonder where she is. 'Doesn't look like it'.

'Will you be okay by yourself?'

I laugh. 'Dan, I'm 21. I think I've been home by myself before'.

He laughs too. 'Well, don't get murdered' he says before turning to leave.

'Wait, I don't suppose you want to stay with me?' I call out.

He turns back around and grins. 'Thought you'd never ask'.

I unlock my door and turn on the lights before walking up to my room, Dan following.

I lie on my bed, Dan next to me, and rest my head on his solid chest, breathing in his familiar scent. I trace the valleys and contours of his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath my palm. I tangle my fingers in his dark hair and kiss him roughly, bringing him closer towards me. He runs his hands down my back and places them on my waist. I pull him on top of me and gently lift up his shirt, pulling it over his head and flinging it onto the floor. He pulls off mine in return and fiddles with my bra strap before it joins the tops on the floor. His hands travel south and they stop at the zip on my jeans.

'Is this ok?' he murmurs, his breath tickling my cheek.

I nod before pulling him closer again.

Afterwards, we lie tangled in the sheets, our breathing heavy.

'Well, that was quite something, wasn't it?' He smirks at me.

'Yeah, it was Mr Howell' I reply. 'But I think it's time we got some sleep'.

'I agree' he says, his arm lying across my waist. 'Night beautiful'.

'Night Dan' I say, snuggling into him.

The sunlight streams through my windows and I look at Dan, who's still sleeping peacefully. I roll out of bed quietly and tiptoe to the bathroom. I look at my reflection in the mirror, knotty brown hair, light brown eyes with purpley-black shadows underneath them. I pull a brush through my hair and clean my teeth before getting dressed. I exit the bathroom to see Dan pulling on yesterday's clothes.

'Morning' I say, yawning. 'Breakfast?'

'No thanks. I've got to hurry' he says. 'My mum wants some help with something'.

'Do you have to go?' I say, pulling a pouty face.

Dan walks over to me and places his hands on my face. 'I sadly have to. But I'd much rather spend my day here with you'.

'Well, there's always tomorrow' I say, looking into his eyes.

'I guess there is'.

We walk down the stairs and I open the door for him.

'See you later' I say, kissing him.

He kisses me back before enveloping me in a hug, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. 'I love you'.

'I love you too'.

Dan turns away to leave before giving me one last kiss. I wave goodbye before shutting the door.

I walk into the kitchen to get myself some food. My mum's sitting down, signing some forms.

'What are they?' I ask her.

'Taxes' she sighs.

I go to the cupboards to find some cereal. I reach for a box of Cornflakes and set them down on the counter. The room begins to spin and I grip onto the wooden worktop. My legs buckle and I collapse onto the floor, feeling like I'm about to be sick any moment. My chest hurts and my vision is darkening.

'Shit' I hear my mum cry before picking me up and rushing out to the car. She drives stupidly fast to the hospital, ringing my doctor as she drives.

I'm wheeled into a white room and a flurry of doctors and nurses rush in and start measuring my blood pressure and heart beat.

'Send Maddie to the emergency room, NOW' one doctor shouts to another. 'We don't have much time left'.

No, this cannot be happening. I can't die now. No, please, no.

I'm hurried into another room and tubes are inserted into my nose and arms. An oxygen mask is attached to my face.

After a while, the doctors leave. One returns a few minutes later with my mum in tow. She's crying.

'Maddie?' The doctor says.

I open my eyes weakly. 'Yeah?' I croak.

'Your body is shutting down, the cancer has taken over. It won't be long, you won't be in pain' he says gently.

I'm dying.

I'm about to die.

'I'm so sorry' he says, giving me a moment with my mum.

'I'm so sorry Madds, I'm so sorry' she sobs. 'I won't be a mother anymore'.

When she says that, my heart shatters into a million pieces.

She won't ever walk her daughter down the aisle. She won't ever have grandchildren. She won't have a daughter anymore. She won't have a family anymore.

'I'll always love you Madds, I promise. I won't ever forget you, ever. I love you so _so _much'. She leans down and gently kisses me on the forehead and strokes me hair. 'It's okay Madds, you can go now. I love you'.

'I love you more' I croak.

She shakes her head sadly. 'No one can ever love someone more than a mother can love a child'.

'Stay safe' I whisper hoarsely.

'Goodbye Madds, I'll see you soon. I don't know where you'll be going, but I hope it's beautiful. Just like you' she whispers, her voice shaking, the tears splashing on to the white sheets. 'I love you'.

I hear the clock ticking.

I hear the birds chirping.

The darkness begins to cover my vision.

My heart rate slows down.

My chest tightens.

My breathing becomes more and more ragged.

This is it.

This is really _it. _

I close my eyes.

Waiting for it to end.

I take a deep breath.

Moments.

All gathering together.

I let go.


	10. I hope it's beautiful up there

I look at my phone, waiting for Maddie to reply. I've sent her 5 texts and she hasn't replied to any of them. I can't take this anymore.

I walk to her house and knock on the door and her mum opens it, her eyes red.

'Dan' she says, surprised to see me.

'Hi, is Maddie in? She hasn't been replying to my texts, I'm worried about her' I say.

Her mum lets out a strangled sob. I wonder what I've said.

'Wait here' she says before leaving.

She returns a few minutes later carrying two white envelopes. She wordlessly hands them to me. I look at the, one has 'open first' on it and the other is blank.

'Um. Thanks?'

'I'm sorry Dan' she says before hugging me. 'I really am'.

She steps back and says goodbye before closing the door. I stand on the doorstep, more confused than ever.

I shakily open the 'open first' envelope, afraid of what I might find out.

I smile as I see Maddie's loopy writing covering the page.

"_Dan,_

_Please go to the top of Kite's Point and open the second letter. Please. _

_Maddie x"_

My heart starts thumping and the blank envelope feels heavy in my hand before heading to Kite's Point.

I reach the top and look around; smiling as I remember all the god times I spent with Maddie here. I walk over to the flat boulder and sit down, staring at the blank envelope.

My hands are shaking. I feel sick. I slowly open the envelope and pull out the second letter, again, covered by her messy handwriting.

"_Dan, _

_I'm so sorry. _

_I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. Please forgive me. _

_But I wanted you to remember me as the happy, healthy girl who enjoyed her life. _

_By the time you read this, I won't be here anymore. I had cancer. But the cancer had spread to my liver. There was nothing anyone could do. I was past the stage of help._

_So that's why I made my list, those were things I wanted to do before I died. And I'm so glad I did them with you, Dan. _

_I wanted to tell you. I really did. But I knew it'd break you. I didn't want you to be sad. I wanted you to enjoy your last moments with me. I wanted those times to be happy, not sad. _

_But I hope you have a long and happy life Dan, I really do. You deserve it. _

_But if you ever find yourself sad when thinking about me, then maybe it's time to forget me. I don't want you to be sad. Maybe it's better than you forget me and be happy then remember me and be sad. _

_I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me Dan. You're one in a million. _

_And I love you, so so much. _

_I always have. And I always will. _

_All my love, _

_Maddie_

_X"_

I stare at the letter.

I feel the tears drip down my face.

I didn't even realise I was crying until now.

I look into the distance, the same view I've looked at so many times, by myself and with Maddie, taking in every little detail.

My sobs turn into screams of pain and sadness. A few birds fly out of the trees as they hear my voice, scattering into the sky. Flying away.

Far, far away.

I look up into the sky. The view hasn't changed much. But I guess that's the secret, if you're ever wishing for things to go back to the way there were, then you just have to look up.

'Bye Maddie. I love you' I whisper, my voice getting carried by the wind. 'I hope it's beautiful up there. I really do'.


	11. Author's note

_Hey,_

_Who Wants To Live Forever is now finished. I hope you enjoyed Maddie's story as much as I enjoyed writing it! _

_I have a new fanfic that I've just started, called 'Trapped' so feedback would be amazing!_

_Once again, thank you all for reading and commenting on this fanfic, your comments mean the world!_

_-K_

_p.s. due to popular demand, I WILL be writing a sequel to Take It To The Grave sometime in the near future, so look out for that!_


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